They’re hairy mite-houses.

They’re the face’s built-in broom.

But scientific practicality isn’t worth a blink when battling the strong sex appeal of the eyelash.

Think I’m one eyelash short of a full set? That I’m batty? I offer my childhood drawings as evidence. Before genitals separated the sexes, there were eyelashes. Men were balloon-topped sticks. Women were balloon-topped sticks with long eyelashes.

I mean, what distinguishes Mickey from Minnie Mouse besides eyelashes and polka dots?

I’ll wager the dewy lashes of camels, calves and colts saved their hides on more than one occasion from us lash-loving humans.

Sadly, my own eyelashes are as sparse and scraggly as sagebrush in a thirsty desert. I’m too active for make-up and scared to death of chemical and surgical enhancements, so I gave up on eyelashes.

Eyelashes — in short — could pluck themselves.

But now, thankfully, modern civilization has given us eyelash extensions. Labeled as the cosmetic industry’s “newest boob job” by the Los Angeles Daily News, they are causing a stir stateside. But in Asia, eyelash extensions are an age-old salon staple.

Riki Love & Body stylist Maiko Suzuki didn’t bat an eye when we told her that we wanted extensions. Suzuki sees plenty of American customers curious about the procedure from nearby Yokosuka Naval Base in mainland Japan, she said.

The process involves sticking false eyelashes onto existing eyelashes, one at a time. The customer can opt to adopt a “natural” look or go to extreme lengths for more dramatic, Tammy Faye fluttering. You pick your lashes by how many millimeters you want compared to the lashes you’ve already got. For example, my “natural” look was a combination of 11 millimeter and 12 millimeter fibers.

My friend Sparkle’s “natural” look was 12 and 13 millimeters because her lashes are longer.

Suzuki taped down our lower eyelids and started the painstaking process of gluing the fake lashes to the real ones, one by one. It took about 40 minutes for both eyes.

That first look in the mirror was a doozy. Gone was the tomboy, replaced by an unwitting femme fatale in a rumpled shirt.

Sparkle admitted the transformation can be slightly unnerving, especially in situations where you’re NOT supposed to look sexy — like sweating buckets at the gym.

But, face it, eyelashes are sexy wherever you are.

“Wow Allison, why do you look so good?” my friends ask suspiciously, as I clamber out of the pool. They don’t see the imperfections spilling out of my bathing suit, nor the angry red suction rings left by my goggles.

They are spellbound by my lushly fringed lashes. They lock on, unable to tear away. I blink; the spell breaks. Aha! So that’s what batting eyelashes is about!

But I’m all wrong for subtle allure, and I’ve noticed that I treat my eyelashes much like I would a cold sore — with large applications of self-conscious babble.

“It’s a miracle of science!” I trip over myself in a rush to assure people that this beauty does not belong to me. I merely paid for it.

As usual, celebrities took extensions over the top — according to Lavishlashes.com, Jennifer Lopez has extensions made of mink, and Madonna dropped $10,000 on jewel-encrusted lashes.

But for the simple folk, lashes usually run $50 to $250 and take 45 minutes to two hours to apply, depending on what type of hairy mite-houses you’re in the market for.