In the time I’ve lived in and visited the States, my inordinately rapt attention to American fast-food trends has yielded the following valuable information: Americans like standing in line for burritos.

Over the past year or so, I’ve noticed a similar fast-casual phenomenon beginning to take hold in the area around Kaiserslautern, Germany. There’s a place downtown called, simply, Burrito Mexican Grill. And now, on the disenchanting strip of American-style commerce that is the city’s Merkurstrasse, comes another: Taco Kidd.

Before exploring the underwhelming particulars of Taco Kidd, let’s just establish that the underlying concept is extremely sound. The diner steps to the counter and orders off a giant wall-based menu, where burritos, tacos, quesadillas and other assorted entrees exist in a realm of idealized potential lunch entrees.

Once uttered, the order begins to manifest itself in reality, first as a room-temperature tortilla, then a warm tortilla increasingly stuffed with the meats, cheeses, rices, beans and salsas of one’s choosing. It is then assembled into its final form and served. In other words, it’s like Subway, but with burritos.

Popularized by chains like Moe’s and Chipotle in the States, this is an idea that deserves to be adopted and celebrated internationally. And in fact, it already is: one can procure a delicious doener kebab through a similar process at regular intervals of 100 meters across Europe.

So it’s clear that the concept isn’t the problem. What is lacking, in the example of Taco Kidd and similar establishments, is the execution.

In all of my trips to Chipotle and Moe’s, I’ve never experienced the sensation of growing less excited as my burrito was assembled. It’s always a feeling of gathering anticipation as ingredients are piled one atop the next. But watching my burrito assembled at Taco Kidd was deflating. When the burrito came off the grill, I was still fully invested. But then came the stringy beef, and the supposedly Mexican rice that looked exceedingly plain, and the leafy fronds of lettuce instead of the crispy iceberg chunks I prefer. By the time the burrito was folded and served, I was fantasizing about the doener stand 100 meters up the road.

Biting into the burrito didn’t help. I’m going to draw on my vast English-major vocabulary here and just call it weird. Flavors I’d hoped to encounter were missing, most of the flavors that were present were unwelcome, and the cumulative effect was disconcerting. Worse, after a couple of bites a small puddle of water of indeterminate origin formed on my plate. I finished the thing, but by the end I felt like one of those competitive eaters dipping a hot dog into a cup before shoving it forcefully down.

The chips and queso I ordered on the side were plagued by similar ingredient-based issues. The chips were firm and all but devoid of salt, except for one apparent super-chip that had seemingly absorbed all the salt from the weaker chips around it.

Surely the queso was fine, I naively thought. But alas! The expected kick came in the form of a mild, curry-like flavor that had no place in the midst of a Mexican meal. I drank two bottles of Pepsi, and not because the dip was too spicy. I just needed to taste something else.

So where do we go from here? For now, I’m going to stay clear of these fledgling German burrito shops; I’ll get my fix of Mexican food from home-cooked meals and, occasionally, Taco Bell. In a year I’ll try again and hope that progress has been made. If not, it’ll be time to officially add fast-casual burritos to the list of American pastimes that simply don’t translate well to Germany.

broome.gregory@stripes.com Twitter: @broomestripes

Taco KiddLocation: Merkurstrasse 13, Kaiserslautern.

Directions: Merkurstrasse can be accessed through the traffic circle just outside of Rhine Ordnance Barracks near Vogelweh. Venture past Toys R Us, Subway, KFC and a handful of shoe stores until Taco Kidd appears on your right. Parking in the rear is rather tight.

Hours: 5:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. weekdays, 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. Saturday. Closed Sunday.

Dress: Casual. Western-themed optional.

Costs: Nachos and tacos in the three-euro range, burritos about six euros. The restaurant also serves burgers and chicken wings for about seven euros and chili and salads starting at about five euros. An item from Taco Kidd’s small breakfast menu costs under four euros. The restaurant features a reasonable collection of beer, wine, liquor and soft drinks.

Information: Visit Taco Kidd’s Facebook page for a full menu and other information. Call the restaurant at 0631 205 60013; email at tacokidd.kaiserslautern@gmail.com.

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