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Stars and Stripes Scene, Sunday, February 14, 2010

The burning gridiron question returns every year to the overseas military community. It’s not about coaches or quarterbacks. It’s about those commercials. Why must American Forces Network viewers be deprived of the mass-marketing-mania-masquerading-as-entertainment sideshow to the Super Bowl?

Every year, AFN, which provides American shows on overseas airwaves, sans commercials, explains why free programming and paid advertising are mutually exclusive. Every year, some viewers insist that on this one day of the year, it can’t be true.

This year, AFN Europe changed its game plan with a challenge to viewers: Make your own Super Bowl commercials and submit them to AFN. The best homemade commercials were promised what Dodge, GoDaddy and P. Diddy can only dream of — free airtime during the biggest television event of the year.

And they got it. If you missed the game, you can still catch these commercials via YouTube or AFN.net. You might see familiar faces. I did.

Production values ranged from professional to, well, my skill level. But let the complainers moan about missing out on corporate attempts to convince us we’ll be richer, funnier, faster and smarter if we use their products. I’m cheering for the home team on this one, and hoping for a replay each year.

As with the AFN commercials we have come to love and memorize, there are some groaners. Others may leave you scratching your head. However, I caught a few "real" Super Bowl commercials online also, and frankly, I’d choose even Squeakers the Hamster over the pants commercial featuring men without them.

Some of the homegrown Super Bowl ads were funny simply because they were send-ups of everyday AFN commercials.

In "Thanks AFN," two girls express appreciation for "age appropriate" warnings about sexual harassment and marrying host-country nationals during "Hannah Montana." Another ad runs through several AFN commercials in abbreviated form. I’m not sure why they used the "chin people" format, but the script wasn’t bad.

Cartoon characters in one creation ask the age-old question: "Who needs Super Bowl commercials when we have ‘Chicken Knows Best’?" Another spot used stop-motion skateboarders to advertise a jobs program for teens — pretty impressive.

Best on-location shooting kudos to Mark Iacampo for "Indiana Jones," from office to ice-cave, culminating in package — and punch line — delivery.

Students from grade school to high school accounted for a large number of submissions. Mark Twain Elementary School and Heidelberg High School collaborated on a puppet show and original song about recycling. Wiesbaden High School used a cohesive theme to promote sports teams.

Ramstein High School turned in a fast and funny football-influenced spot promoting commissaries, ending with the familiar slogan, "It’s worth the trip." Patch High School offered another AFN commercial spoof, promoting the defensive capabilities of their senior video yearbook.

Honors for the most fearless leader should, I think, go to "Super Surgeon" and his family. For a familiar AFN commercial face in a way you have never seen him, don’t miss this one.

Some amateur filmmakers contributed a series of several commercials. Notable were "No Go Joe," and "C’mon Airman," which mixed humor with public-service messages. My favorite series was Dan Edgar’s "Fatherhood Tips." You can’t go wrong with cute kids, pithy observations and a little whipped cream.

One military wife filmed her dogs, Gen and Terumi, sending deployed "Daddy" a message, with subtitles. Did Terumi really say, "I love you"? You be the judge.

Take the Budweiser frogs and Denny’s screaming chickens — please! I prefer these real-life pups. But don’t worry; no actual animals were maligned in the making of this column.

Terri Barnes, who is not paid by or related to anyone at AFN, is a military wife and mother of three. She lives and writes in Germany. Write to her at spousecalls@stripes.com and see the Spouse Calls blog at: http://blogs.stripes.com/blogs/spousecalls .

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