Rumor Doctor blog archive
Follow-up visit: Helping 'fobbits' get fit
Published: August 11, 2010
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The Rumor Doctor reported earlier this week that soldiers flagged for being overweight are not eligible for campaign awards. The blog sparked a lively discussion on the comment thread about keeping fit downrange, with most readers falling solidly into the “just stay in shape” camp.
But the Doctor knows it can be a real challenge for some troops to exercise, especially those who never get off the forward operating base. And today, he’s got the prescription. The Doctor enlisted Nick Palmisciano, West Point grad and now president and CEO of Ranger Up, to offer up a few suggestions for how “fobbits” can get fit.
And be sure to check out the full Web slideshow for step-by-step illustrated instructions. Enjoy.
Exercise No. 1: Fobgeneration
It takes nine seconds from the time you die in “Call of Duty” until you regenerate. Most people waste that time sitting in a chair getting fatter. You can maximize it for an optimal workout.
As soon as death is imminent, shift your weight out of your chair into a sprinter’s posture and push off. The chair spring will give you the extra lift you need to get up to speed quickly.
Sprint to the fridge and slide on one knee as you throw the door open behind you with your non-dominant hand. Simultaneously, reach for a Red Bull and use the whip of your slide to both close the door and pull yourself up. Sprint back.
Should you encounter an obstacle, be prepared to do a combat roll over it, maintaining the Red Bull in a safe position. Pop up and continue. Hurdle any chairs in your path.
As you approach your chair, begin to turn your body 180 degrees so that you slide into your chair while opening your Red Bull. The chair will bounce off the adjoining wall or desk and the recoil will return you to playing position. Gain positive control over your remote control.
You’ve just completed one Fobgeneration.
Exercise No. 2: Fobsit
Oftentimes when sitting in your office on the FOB, the stress gets the better of you and you just need to get in a four- or five-hour nap. A new fobbit will get caught by “the man” during this exercise, but a wily veteran knows the importance of keeping his head on a swivel and executing a flawless Fobsit.
First, ensure you are not facing the door as you place your legs up on the desk and your hand cradles your keg-pack.
Next, pretend your boss just came through the door. Flex your abs so your knees fire into your stomach while you throw your hands forward toward the keyboard. Your knees will bounce off your stomach and fall to the ground, forcing your hands forward and into perfect typing position.
You’ve just completed one Fobsit.
Exercise No. 3 Fobstralian Crawl (or Reverse Swim Technique)
This technique is similar to the one you may have seen in football. With the fast food restaurants coming back to the FOBs, you need to have your game face on and beat the suckers that don’t realize that second Big Mac is first loser.
With your near hand, trap the shoulder of the fobbit in front of you (note, make sure it isn’t a grunt coming out of sector) while your far hand swims in an overhand motion past the shoulder.
Next, push off from your food gathering nemesis and propel yourself past him, directly into the calorie bomb you so richly deserve.
You’ve just completed one Fobstralian Crawl.
E-mail The Rumor Doctor at: jeffrey.schogol@stripes.osd.mil
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