Spouse Calls: Moms of the military

Most Spouse Calls mail is from military spouses, but some letters come from military moms seeking support, information and a connection with the military life their children have chosen.

I contacted a few mothers of servicemembers with experience to share this Mother’s Day. The moms, who responded by e-mail, expressed pride in their children’s accomplishments.

Some gave advice. Others offered poignant glimpses of their lives as military parents. Even those with military experience said military motherhood was new terrain.

"I was a Marine wife for ten years. Loved everything about it," said Mary Pipke, an Army mom from South Bend, Ind. "But there is a big difference in sending your husband off and sending your son off to serve."

Danielle Faivre of Newfoundland, N.J., said she and her husband use videoconferencing to talk to their Air Force son serving in Iraq.

"We have only looked into his blue eyes three times since December," said Danielle. "I always find myself touching the screen as if I was caressing his face."

While her son was in basic training, Mary said she missed hearing about his daily life.

Nancy Adams of Haughton, La., said she felt the same way when her son joined the Air Force. "I do wish for more information about Mitchell’s life, just like when he was in school," she said "… mostly because I didn’t want him to grow up and away from me."

Recognizing her son’s adulthood and ability to make good choices helps her let go, she said.

"Because I know he will become a man, and I am exceedingly proud of the vocation he has chosen … I try to step back and watch with pride," she said. "He handles situations on his own without needing as much advice."

Sandy Doell is an Army mom who used her experiences to write "Mom’s Field Guide: What You Need To Know To Make It Through Your Loved One’s Deployment." She offered suggestions that are applicable whether a son or daughter is in Iraq, Afghanistan or Oklahoma.

"The best advice I can give to parents is that they make sure the relationship they have with their son or daughter is loving and open," she said.

She also encouraged parents to do positive, productive things for themselves.

"One mother went back to school to get a law degree," Sandy said. "I decided to show my support with a weekly care package and letter and to start a serious fitness program.

"These things you do for yourself help your relationship with your military son or daughter too."

More suggestions from military moms:

To keep communication open, show interest: "If you take an active role in the success and details of their choice, they will be more prone to share the experiences they live through," Nancy said.

Connect with other military parents: "There is strength in numbers, and you can establish your own little support group," Sandy said.

Mary said she corresponded with another mom whose son was just ahead of hers in basic training. "Just knowing what comes next helps a lot," she said. "Then when your son calls home, you are better equipped to support him if you have an idea of what is going on."

"Be as supportive as possible," Nancy said. "Your child has made this tough decision, and you should be proud of what it took to make that decision."

Be a proud mom: "The Army may have the soldier, but we raise them to be the kind of man who wants to serve his country," Mary said.

See more comments from military moms and links to resources for parents of military members on the Spouse Calls blog.

Terri Barnes is a military wife and mother of three. She and her family are stationed in Germany. Spouse Calls appears weekly in Stars and Stripes. Write to her at spousecalls@stripes.com and see the Spouse Calls blog here.